Activated Attachment Style or Love

Attachment or Love
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Love and Romance

Attachment or Love
I discuss attachment styles often in my readings because I feel it is important to have an understanding of this unconscious principle at work in our love lives. Every one of us has an attachment system that attaches or detaches to people in our adult life. An adult attaches to some lovers like a baby attaches to its mother. It is a very strong bond that can be formed through sex or communication, or somehow letting this person in. I have even seen people attached to crushes. Somehow this person does it for you and all of a sudden you may be stuck thinking about them all the time.

There are different attachment styles.

The general classes are anxious, avoidant and secure. I am not ashamed to admit, I have a very anxious attachment style that gets activated easily. You may have an anxious attachment style if you feel a lot of anxiety in your love life. Often, you may find yourself obsessed and depressed, having an intense need for closeness and constant reassurance from your partner. You may feel as if your relationship could be ending at any moment all the time. If your needs aren’t met, you may protest or tantrum by texting obsessively, complaining, playing games, constantly thinking and talking about your love life, or stalking them on their social media.

Sometimes an Anxious may feel that their exes are soulmates because they don’t understand the attachment process. This anxiousness is especially triggered when your partner turns away from you. The anxious person is actually pretty psychic as they can feel their partner turning away or losing attention almost immediately and it activates their attachment system and it may cause a sudden sense of panic, dread and desperation.

The avoidant attachment style works almost in reverse of the anxious style.

They start off relationships real intense, but can begin to feel great discomfort once they begin to grow closer to their partner. The Avoidant may begin to distance themselves or their partner and long for space and independence. They may stop perfectly good connections in order to work on themselves. Often they can be picky and judgmental of their partners in order to push them away. After this person pushes their partner away and they get space, they may calm down and return to their partner. But once they feel discomfort with the intimacy they leave again. This person may long for an ex or a perfect partner that does not exist or that they can never be with and push perfectly good partners away because they don’t match up to this perfect mythical lover.

If an anxious and avoidant get together, it’s called an anxious avoidant relationship, and can be super toxic. These relationships are often on and off and the anxious person always loses.

The third type of attachment style is secure.

Ideally we want to find more secure partners. Secure people, enjoy getting close to their partners and are great supporters. They believe in strong communications and working through problems. When there is an issue, the secure person wants to help their partner feel better and resolve the problem where an avoidant would just leave. The secure person is optimistic about their love life and has a hopeful attitude towards love relationships and partners. If they are involved with an anxious, they have the power to calm them down. When they’re involved with an avoidant, they are able to, to comfortably give their partner space when they need it and support them in a more soft type of way.

Both anxious and avoidants can benefit from dating secures. They can help them become more secure in the future.

If you are anxious, my best advice is to identify if your feelings and your relationships are love or attachment. If your partner isn’t there for you, you may find yourself very insecure and unfocused, and maybe even in pain. Try not to commit to people who don’t commit to you or who are not available to you or who do not share or give you affection. Focus on socializing and meeting more people and look for secures while becoming a master at spotting avoidants.

If you are avoidant, try to become aware of your attachment process. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable and starting to push away from your partner, try to ask for space instead, reassuring your partner that you will be back. The avoidant can be picky and unintentionally rude when they are feeling the effects of their attachment system activating. Before insulting your partner, try to figure out if there is really something wrong with your partner, or if you just feeling squirrely and need some space real quick? It might be helpful to go on several short dates before deciding if you want to be with the person. You need time to get used to them before deciding if they really aren’t the one.

The attachment process is strong and can be deceiving.

Especially if you are attached to someone who isn’t around or who is super toxic. To calm down the attachment system, you have to treat it like a screaming baby. The fastest way to calm it down is a message from the attachment subject and you can’t always have that.

To calm down the attachment style do this.

First, become aware of the attachment style.
Feed it good food, give it warm beverages like cocoa tea, coffee, or warm milk, or lots of water.
Wrap in blankets and put on warm sweaters.
Try touch, massage, exercise, and hot baths.
Find help with social interaction, help a friend, try online dating.
Throwing yourself into a hobby can help distract you and bring you comfort.
And finally, you may need to pray to your higher power asking for the obsession to be removed.

Take this quiz by Dr. Chris Fraley to discover your attachment style.

Check out my workbook called Find Freedom From Love Anxiety, and Manifest an Ideal Love, where I go into more detail about attachment and provide you with multiple love manifestation exercises to set up an attractive force in your life to attract a partner that is ideal for you.

You can purchase the book on my website or download it for free when you join my Patreon.

Join my Patreon for early access to full length videos and for exclusive lives where I answer patron questions.

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